Each and every one of us is full of contradictions.  It is the essence of how we came to be, of what we are.  We are the sum of genetic code, that is, the strings of pairs of opposites, pairs of chromosomes, alien entities that join to form each subsequent generation.  We each are the progeny of single celled creatures, algae, fish, amphibians. reptiles, birds, mammals, wild and tame (civilized?) and more.  Our genetics contain data, habits, traits, skills and tendencies that are pieces of vastly different creatures.  We strive, as humans, to be, to identify, to claim superiority/difference from the rest of the living things on our planet – even from other humans.  But, we are the same.  We are even the same as the substance of the entirety of the observable, tangible universe.  Our ability to perceive these truths does set us apart but our inability to perceive our place as part of the whole (barely distinguishable from a universal perspective) is what entangles us, glues us, binds us in that whole structure – making us precisely that which we pretend not to be.

 

Contradictions exist perhaps because of perception, human perception.  Our methods of understanding, parse out experience into binary code (even before computers).  It is not black is it white? It is not white, is it grey… We are not dead are we alive? I can describe my experience, my identity, my sense of self and simultaneously (or subsequently) identify statements of which the complete opposite might also be true in another context.  I am patient, and impatient, I am responsible and irresponsible, I am courageous and terrified, I am female I am male, I am bold and I hide.  It is the sum of contradictions that make the whole of everything.  It is the acceptance of those contradictions that enable the whole to be integrated and function.  This is the pursuit I engage in with my art as with all other parts of my life.

 

Within this churning mess of contradictions that is me, discrete clumps function specifically like the parts of a cell…or an organism.  Why do I do art, work, socialize, enter into/pursue sexual relationships, play with cats…?  I explore, I strive to learn  (primarily about myself) through learning about others and the world around me.  The world is a world of mirrors.  Not mirrors that reflect my image back to me because I stare into them, but mirrors deep within others.  By knowing them, by being open to them, I discover new parts of myself that are brought out by experience, empathy, conflict, collaboration…  These are the practices of living.  I make art to practice, to practice color and feeling color, form and feeling form, line and feeling line.  It is the practice of seeing and understanding and recreating the pieces (the infinite pieces) that make up this world.  It is a practice of my ignorance, my blindness, my confusion.  It is what I do because my work is my life is my art is my work is my life is my art is my work is my life is my art...

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